Global Domination

Audio Autopsy - May 2009

01/05/09  ||  Global Domination

Candlemass: Death magic doom

7.2/10

Lord K: You have to admire the longevity of this band. They have definitely had their up’s and downs and some albums released in the past sure didn’t deserve to have “Candlemass” written all over them. But hey, shit’s different now. Superhero/mainman Leif and his cohorts have really shaped up over the course of the last few albums, and the change from the fat monk to Rob Lowe (the fucken guy from “Youngblood”, you know) has obviously done them good vocal-wise. Leif cooked up a fine piece of doom (opener “If I ever die” is hardly a tune suitable for a doom album though, fucko) with this here album. Ofcourse it’s not a masterpiece like the first 4 full-lengths, but still it’s a very solid disc and I’m happy to see that Leif’s still got the spark to create music. He’ll outlive us all, I’m sure of it. Good work, old man. Tap your band mates on their shoulders and compliment them as well. Especially Mappe. I love Mappe. 7

Kampfar: “If I ever die” is close in being the worst song title I’ve seen this far into existence. And, I don’t exactly dig the song either. Or this album very much, though I have to admit we are dealing with a through and through quality product here. Just not my kind of quality exactly. 6

The Duff: I’ve yet to understand the appreciation for The ‘mass. I’ve been attempting to get into their first two albums, and all I can come up with is that they are albums of their time that don’t hold up well in present times. I know that K is going to rape my mouth now. “Death Magic Doom” is a faster Candlemass than I’m used to, and more relevant; it’s actually pretty good, making me wonder what all the beef with their recent outputs is over. Killer vocals that are quite flat relative to virtuoso metal vocalists but with manly balls of manly from Manville gruffness that makes everything more appetizing than what I’ve heard off the early albums. Yeah, some solid doom, for sure; listen to Hammer of Doom for an example of why this band has yet to throw in the towel. 7

Abyss: Leif Edling impressed me last month with his solo-album and this time it’s Rob Lowe’s turn to make me eat my proverbial boots. I wasn’t very fond of his work in “King of the grey vaginas” and when I saw Candlemass live at House of Metal 2008 I kept wishing for the Robed One to appear and kick Lowe of the stage. But now… fuck, I don’t know if I’ve heard Candlemass this fired up and focused since the first four albums. Every single song here has something to bring to the table and Rob’s vocal work really shines in both sound and melodic hooks. Bands usually say that “This album is our most extreme” but in Candlmass case I think it’s fucking true. Mappe and Lasse deliver some of the best (and fastest) riffs I’ve heard from the band while still sounding heavier then the proverbial hammer of doom. Outstanding! 9

Seker: A slightly darker and more cavernous production would do wonders for the vital Candlemass doom quotient, but this is hardly a bad album by any stretch of the imagination. It’s pretty much “King of the Grey Islands II: The Quickening”, and I’m certainly not complaining. If you’re into Candlemass’ slightly more driving new stuff with Robert Lowe on vocals, you’ll be into this. 7

Thanatos: Justified genocide

7/10

Lord K: Thrash till dess!!! Death metal till dess too!!! I can’t really say much more than “thumbs up for the energy, but you are not quite there yet for me”. I give some of the guys in the band a fucken 9 for being cool fuckers though, but the score for Thanatos stays at a: 6

Kampfar: “Justified genocide” is still an energetic piece of death/thrash I dig quite hard. In other words, I stand behind every word I wrote here: http://www.globaldomination.se/reviews/thanatos-justified-genocide. 8

The Duff: There are bits I really dig, bits that get nothing out of me. The vocals sure as shit aren’t helping. As for justified genocide, my vote goes to the English embodying the non-politically correct version of retarded. 6

Abyss: Never heard of this band before two members started up Hail of Bullets with Ed Warby and van Drunen and all sorts of massacres unfolded. Thank fuck for HOB because without them I would totally have missed Thanatos and their very catchy and well-executed brand of death metal. It’s to the point, hits hard and sounds delicious. Much recommended! 8

Seker: Thanatos have been putting out high quality thrashy death metal (or rather, deathy thrash metal) for more than two decades, and this album doesn’t break the pattern at all. If that doesn’t make you want to check out this album, consider this: the two guitarists from this band play in Hail of Bullets. There, now you’re interested, right? 7

Wolf: Ravenous

7/10

Lord K: Wolf is a fucken ace heavy metal band and extremely nice people to boot. These 2 things usually end up in good music. Sure, Niclas’ nose-vocals (haha, nose-vocals?!) is a love or hate thing and I’m fucken lucky I have come to accept them or Wolf would have been superiorly fucked with me. This album’s got some huge fucken hit tunes (“Curse you Salem” and “Hail Ceasar” to name but two) and the remaining ones are of highest heavy metal standards. They carry the flag of heavy metal real fucken high. 8.

Kampfar: “Ravenous” doesn’t instigate an urge to howl at the moon in my case but if plain old heavy metal floats your boat so could damn well happen in yours. 6

The Duff: This is really good power metal – regular fare, I don’t like such music, but it’s fun through and through. I might get on at them for the Maiden plagiarism on tracks like “Curse You Salem” and “Ravenous”, but overall this band doesn’t take itself too seriously and waves the metal flag high. They get an extra point for the lyric There is only one God anyway/And it’s meeeyeeeyeah-yeah – sure, it’s a song about Ceasar, but when taken out of the context of the song it’s easy to picture the balls-out frontman singing about himself. 8

Abyss: Heavy fucking metal all the fucking way to hell and back. That’s the best summary I can make of Sweden’s Wolf. The amps are set to 11 and the choruses and riffs are razor sharp. If you can live with the very nasal singer you will love “Ravenous”. This album will be heard on all the festival camps this summer. 7

Seker: Hey, this kind of sounds like Mercyful Fate! Mercyful Fate are one of my favorite bands, so it naturally follows that I would like this band. They’re certainly not the most original band out there, but I enjoyed this a lot more than a lot of the abject feces that was in this AA. 6

Depressed Mode: For death

6/10

Lord K: Am I the only one reading “Depeche Mode” when I see this moniker, huh? This is definitely harder than anything their role models for the name have released, “Ultra” included. Pianos, strings and brutal death metal riffs is a great combination if done right, and Depressed Mode are doing it quite right, for sure. The vocals leave room for improvement but as a whole this definitely works and I’m fucken glad someone pointed me towards this band. I seriously have no info whatsoever about them, but why the FUCK do I think they are Finnish? I have to look these fuckers up more closely. 8

Kampfar: I very much enjoyed this offering for one song, then the liberal use of a very synthetic synth mixed 4 nods higher than recommended got on my nerves. In other words, the feel of plastic dampened my enthusiasm as a stinking cunt does my mighty erection. Before I go, and after as well, think of this as experimental extreme metal light. 5

The Duff: I can see fans of recent Septic Flesh loving this stuff, really not much difference between “For Death” and “Communion”. I wasn’t so keen on the latter, but I could understand the combination of absolutely terrifying vocals (not the In Flames-like cleans; they’re not scary, are they) and soul moving music that sounded larger than life at times being a very potent one, and very original. So that leaves me with a good impression, indifference to pursue the band and a slight question as to its worth considering it does sound so identical to a very unique band that has worked hard to carve its own style. 6

Abyss: I think this is the first time I hear oppressive doom coupled together with fast US-style death metal. Cheeky name aside, I must say that I’m very impressed with how this band weaves those two, seemingly disparate, elements together into something that is not only coherent but also damn good, not to mention original. I seriously dig this. 8

Seker: Oh cool, it’s Depeche Mode! No, wait, it’s just some generic “symphonic” crap. What’s some symphonic about symphonic metal, anyway? When was the last time you heard a symphony that only featured synthesized string instruments playing Korn songs? 3

Brutal Truth: Evolution through revolution

6/10

Lord K: We all know about that “Extreme penises demand extreme vaginas” album, right? And we also love that fucken piece of plastic, right? I sure as fuck do and still I had no hopes whatsoever for a new effort from Brutal Truth. When they unleashed said classic recording the thing they did was kinda refreshing and new back then, let’s all agree on that. Nowadays the scene is over-crowded with bands outplaying Brutal Truth in their own field and this disc here is a very clear proof of it. It hurts me that a band like Believer gets a higher score than some old fave band of mine, but hey… fuck you. That’s just the… ehum… brutal truth. 2

Kampfar: Take this 8 I giveth with a grain of salt, this is AA after all, but fuck knows it feels genuinely good to welcome Brutal Truth back from their 10+ years away. And this from a guy who happen to despise re-unions on par with new and improved medicines. Fuck humanity. Ok, back on track already. “Evolution through revolution” is energetic grind in your face, and then some, though not as “and then some” as neither “Need to control” nor “Sounds from the animal kingdom”. 8

The Duff: Not my style of grind, but some real class groove riffs combined with the usual upper-tier intensity. I know these guys get raved about all over the place, and I can understand why, I simply prefer the Nasums and Rotten Sounds of the grind world. 7

Abyss: Brutal truth sound like the first half of their name and I liiiike it! For being 2300 years old I’m really pleased to hear such vibrant and violent grindcore from Danny Lilker and Co. While not fastest, most original or visceral, BT still sounds good; a propertie easily forgotten in the world of grind. 7

Seker: This pretty much sounds like what you would expect a new Brutal Truth album after twelve years of silence to sound like. It’s all right, just like the new Napalm Death stuff is all right, but it’s definitely not essential. I guess you could pick it up if you’re into this kind of thing, but I don’t think buying random pieces of plastic you don’t need is very environmentally friendly. 6

My Dying Bride: For lies I sire

6/10

Lord K: MDB is seriously one of those bands I have never listened to. I know I owned (actually borrowed from someone who never got it back) a nice looking long-sleeve by them some hundred years ago that had some cool Latin shit written on the arms, and that’s pretty much my biggest connection to them. So, here’s the question? What is this driveling fake-doom shit? Some nice guitar harmonies can’t save this band alone. My Dying Bride? My Dull Band is more like it, bitch. And the goddamn vocals man… Get the fuck out of here. 3

Kampfar: My Dying Bride is soon to visit a theater near you. Put an entirely different way, I like the music but not the vocals. 5

The Duff: I have a very odd relationship with The Brides. I’ve heard their masterpiece (“Turn Loose the Swans”) and hated it, and I’ve heard “Songs of Darkness, Words of Light” and fucken loved it. On top of that, I have three quarters of their discography in my collection thus far not listened to, yet I still shelled out for this new one. A bit of nitty-gritty GD gossip for you there. I heard violins, and I came; no, wait, I don’t give a fuck. I think it’s safe to say I prefer recent MDB, ‘cos this is some good stuff – a grower like my cock. What a title, what an album cover, what a review. 8

Abyss: MDB are usually a quality act, churning out albums that are walking the knife’s edge between pretentious and heartfelt. Usually they fall on the right side of said knife. This time around things are pretty much the same as the last album, with one big honkin’ exception. The violin is back! That alone warrants 1 extra point. I haven’t been truly truly touched by MDB since “Turn loose the swans” but very seldom have I been disappointed. That still hasn’t changed but something about “For lies I sire” gives me the impression that there’s more to it if I just keep listening. Thus they receive a… 7

Seker: I fully expected absolute audio excrement when I first put this one on, but it actually surprised me by being really quite good. I might even pick this up: it doesn’t even really sound like “As the Flower Withers” or “Turn Loose the Swans”, but it does sound like solid, solid doom metal apart from the slightly alt-rock choruses. 7

Torture Killer: Sewers

6/10

Lord K: They are better than Six Feet Under, but that’s not saying much – any band is better than Six Feet Under by default. But TK’s got themselves some nicely put-together death metal tunes and they sure deserve to have you listen to them. 7

Kampfar: It’s a well known fact that the best Six Feet Under album, namely “Swarm”, wasn’t made by them at all. Or, it featured the retardation known as Chris Barnes on vokills, so what I just claimed isn’t entirely true. Only almost. Put short, “Swarm” is a quite OK, competent and hard hitting platter of mid-tempo death holding close to zero surprises. Not a favorite, but decent nonetheless. Oh, almost forgot, Chris “I’ve got dreadful dreads” Barnes is no longer to be found behind the mic. 6

The Duff: This is alright – not too exciting. 5

Abyss: Finland’s version of Six Feet Under are back, this time without Chris Barnes and just like on “Swarm” I’m very pleased with the songwriting. The riffs are just retarded enough to make me envision cavemen banging the beat to “Rats can sense the murder” but without loosing the sharp creativity that makes the majority of the songs on “Sewers” keep my head nodding. Not really sure who the new singer is (some local talent?) but he sounds well enough. Nothing amazing but better then Barnes at least. 7

Seker: These guys are practically a Six Feet Under tribute band, so that’s like a knock-off of a knock-off. Fortunately, they honestly are a fairly decent band, though a tad repetitive and “safe” sounding. If you like mid-paced death metal with a bit of a rockish feel, you might like this. 5

Pestilence: Resurrection macabre

5.8/10

Lord K: Pestilence is baaaaaaaack, muthafuckers!!! It’s an (expected) shame though since “Resurrection macabre” is a feeble attempt at recreating the days before the band turned to shit (which is pretty much right after “Consuming impulse”). Mameli’s vocals are unbearable, overly processed and weak. Some riffs hint at old glory times but fail to capture it. “Dehydrated II”?! Man… I’m not shy to give Mameli some shit becoz he fucken deserves it thanx to various idiotic statements that he pisses out at any given chance. What happened with C-187? Didn’t sell any records? I wonder why… This “band” feels fucken dishonest, to say the least. At least Wildoer is doing a fucken terrific job behind the kit, and that’s the best part of the album together with the killer cover by Statik Majik. Yep, this resurrection is macabre. Pestilence should have stayed dead. Martin van Drunen vs Patrick Mameli = 666-0. 4

Kampfar: Hmm, my re-unions-should-be-avoided-stance finds itself under serious stress this month. No, no, this isn’t Pestilence best effort ever, but you can bet on it being their most hard-hitting and brutal one to date. A lot, even. 8

The Duff: Probably the best since the one before the last one. I’m impressed with quite a bit of the material here, but there needs to be more variation – it can get pretty damn repetitive, and not because of the material on a track-to-track basis but more because it feels like there are only three riffs to a track. Patrick Mameli, the name, reminds me of Mammal Sauce, which is awesome – one point. 7

Abyss: Pestilence may be legendary but on “Resurrection macabre” you can only glimpse why at times. It sounds okey, but had this been a debuting band I don’t think they would’ve made much of a splash outside of the immediate circle. 6

Seker: My name’s Patrick Mameli and I hate death met-OH WAIT my shitty rapcore project failed I guess I better pretend the 90s never happened and make a really boring death metal album, tarnishing my original bands flawless legacy all in one swift motion! 4

Ribspreader: Opus ribcage

5.6/10

Lord K: As always; fantastic fucken vocals combined with quite shitty death metal. Give this guy a fucken great band to sing with coz his talent is not coming to any good use. How many times do I have to say this? Bloodbath – call Rogga! And call him now. 4

Kampfar: “Opus ribcage” is totally OK, very manly and not at all gay, but you should rather spend your money on Paganizer’s “Scandinavian warmachine”. Now that’s a fine album. 6

The Duff: Nice album title. Can’t believe I’m back reviewing Ribspreader for AA, as it was some time ago I heard them last and I didn’t figure they’d be a band to stick around this long. So vocalist Rogga (from the GD forums) receives a lot of respect from the Lord, and it’s obvious why – you like it guttural and shit-pants scary, you’ll dig the vocals on “Opus Ribcage”, a mix of Amon Amarth and death metal regular affair. The music is Swedish death of the typical kind, and not bad all in all; don’t know why such an album would get these guys any exposure though in this competitive scene for pushing the boundaries – like Frosted Shreddies, you’re better off with Shreddies milk and sugar. I don’t know what that means. 6

Abyss: Rogga knows his shit and with recent outputs he seems to have become better at sifting through his ideas and not go for the first best riff. This of course means that the quality on the albums have become much more even. This is death metal made to play on a sunny balcony with a beer in hand in the summer. Vacation metal. 6

Seker: Fairly competent retro Swedish death metal in the new millennium. It’s better than Bloodbath’s latest if you ask me, and you’re sort of asking me by reading this review. If you like Swedish death metal, you’ll probably enjoy this. 6

Samael: Above

5.4/10

Lord K: I started to take a liking in Samael when they turned their backs on their shit black metal/whatever style and started to play around with electronics and groove. This album is supposedly a walk back to Memory Lane and I will never understand why they chose to do that on this album. I hope order is restored on the next release coz this gives me fuck all. 3

Kampfar: The last time I heard from Samael they fiddled around with electronics/electronica/dildos/whatever happens to be the correct term. They did it good, but I remember being put off by the vocals. So is not the case speaking “Above”. Yep, I like the sneer(s) but haven’t yet decided if I like or dig the somewhat necro black metal it copulates with. 7

The Duff: Okay, so I don’t know much about industrial black; the closest I’ve brushed with such a sub-sub-genre (yes, I’m being ridiculous) is probably Blut Aus Nord. This here is a lot more traditional than probably the only band that has ever managed to sonically represent death. Pretty good, actually, and that sums it up. No gags here, as much as I try to surpass myself with everything I do each and every time. Yup, you guessed it, EVEN WHEN MASTURBATING. ROTFFLWCIMEGISFG. 6

Abyss: Back to the roots only work if you actually cherish your roots. Samael has made it a point to piss all over their death metal origins with albums like “Eternal” and “Passage”. Now that they’ve decided to play some kind of hybrid of the old death style and the new electronica style the result is just cluttered style. Deluxe. It doesn’t feel genuine by any means and that’s what made both “Ceremony of opposites” and “Eternal” great albums but for different reasons. The heart was in ‘em. This is just sterile. Like piss. 4

Seker: First Samael were a classic black metal band, then they were kinda like Rammstein for people with pointy goatees and ponytails, and now they’re sort of a really fast Marduk-style melodic black metal band. I didn’t see that one coming, but this is actually fairly good. An even bigger surprise than My Dying Bride, though not quite as good. Also, Vorph sounds a lot like Jon Nödtveidt on this album. 7

Mantic Ritual: Executioner

5/10

Lord K: I fucken hate new bands trying to recapture the days of old, especially if it’s fucken thrash metal we are talking about. These pricks sound like Metallica and Exodus – exactly what they are aiming for. The problem is that I have been listening to those bands for fucken 20+ years and it’s not like a new act made of kids will make me prefer them before the originals, you know. 4

Kampfar: If in love with 80’s thrash, Mantic Ritual and you could very well end up as buddies. I’m not dying inside whilst listening to “Executioner” either, but overly excited I am not. And the reason why is because their simple formula bores me when solos and shit aren’t present. Also, the vocalist is kind of crappy. In fact, this is just the kind of vocals that’ve made me not like early thrash very much for 3 decades now. 5

The Duff: Decent thrash – catchy vocals, average riffs; nothing more, nothing less as far as I can tell. 6

Abyss: Retro thrash with more than a few ques stolen from various idols. This may not be Mantic Ritual’s fault, but I’m getting pretty tired of this retro-thrash thing because when even the production sounds 1986, why not just listen to the old albums to begin with? 5

Seker: More like this band should be executed… actually, this isn’t bad. You could probably just listen to Anthrax and Vio-Lence to get this same sort of stuff, but it’s better than most of these new retro-thrash bands. 5

The Agonist: Lullabies for the dormant mind

4.8/10

Lord K: But for fuck’s SAKE! Did anyone hear how this album sounded production-wise before releasing it? I thought not. The chick’s vocals are nice and quite uncommon in semi-technical death metal (something like that), but the whole thing is a fucken mess. with more lows than highs. 4

Kampfar: The Agonist is a quality metal-core act with an impressive vocalist named Alissa on board. But, as we all know, quality metal-core translates to tolerable and at times good in the real world. Listen up guys and girl, drop said crutch and develop the other parts of your music instead. At least give it a try. 5

The Duff: Ace musicianship, boring music – there are some good riffs, and this isn’t quite metalcore (some parts remind me of Arsis, Lamb of God and stuff), but the vocals, lack of soul, Evanescence, same old shit, dime a dozen, suck my balls. Please. 4

Abyss: It’s always nice to hear women sound like 2½ men when singing and in the case of The Agonist the girl growling/singing makes a real sound case for why metal chicks should let go of the bass/keyboard and start doing more screaming. While the music isn’t terribly original, some kind of half-spastic/half mellow take on DEP-style post-HC, Alissa outshines most of the bands potential flaws. A good variation in the growls keep the songs from getting too repetitive, a common risk in this kind of music. If The Project Hate was less extreme, less creative and were Canadian I’d say that The Agonist compares to them. But for playing melodic death/mathcore The Agonist is a hell of a lot better then the rest. 7

Seker: Do all these metalcore bands have the same vocal coach or something? I mean, fuck! Also, I’ll take my In Flames without breakdowns, Evanescence vocals, and hardcore idiocy, thank you. 4

Delain: April rain

4/10

Lord K: Ofcourse I dig the gal’s vocals – she’s fucken ace dammit! The rest of Delain’s ingredients aren’t complete shit either. Radio-friendly cheese metal with tons of catchy hooks, a few gallons of semen and some (much to my fucken surprise) nice male vocals. Yeah, it hurts to admit it – but I dig it quite a fucken bit (should come as no fucken surprise to any of you idiots), as you can see by the score: 8

Kampfar: Delain is a gothic orchestra featuring a hot redhead on vocals, this a gal with actual talent for a change. A bit generic her approach is, sure thing, but the lady got the grips. I’d also like to mention that “April rain” sports a grand as in pumped up production, one enabling the music to fill your room even when played on a modest volume. Provided you have a pair of decent speakers, of course. And, a couple of nice riffs dressed up in a rather fine buzz is also to be heard. A couple, as in literally. So, gothic boredom with a shine of quality then. Roadrunner is such an arse label. Fuck off. 4

The Duff: I was really hopeful an album like this wouldn’t crop up as it has done the past three or four editions on which I’ve featured. Whoever selects the albums is taking the piss somewhere. 1

Abyss: Foofy shit, you know it, I know it. Delain surely knows it. There’s something about the singers voice that I love/hate, can’t really put my finger on it, but it leaves me on the fence about the band as a whole. The songs are ok, Within Temptation-catchy, so it comes down to Charlotte and like I said… I dunno. 5

Seker: It’s hard for me to review this fairly considering that I find everything that sounds remotely like this to be an abomination and aural form of A.I.D.S… so I’m not even going to try. This sucks, plain and simple. If you’re into Evanescence, but often think to yourself “Gee, I wish this sucked just a little bit more”, then go kill yourself. Or you could buy this, I guess. 2

Queensrÿche: American soldier

3.8/10

Lord K: And this band used to be so fucken awesome… Not even Geoff Tate sound inspired anymore. And don’t have me started on the concept of this crap… 3

Kampfar: When I was young boy, 11 or so, Queensryche was by many a metaller held as the very definition of awesome. Immature me did not agree at all, “you are all a bunch of bullcrap people into a bullcrap band”, I thought. Since then I have of course matured, 20 years do that to a man, and the very proof of this follow after this very punctuation. Queensryche is an ejaculator of quality bull-semen. Thing is, I happen to have no use for that. 4

The Duff: Surprised these guys are still going after the very negative response to their follow-up to the “Operation: Mindcrime” concept album… “Operation: Mindcrime Deux, This Time It’s Shit”. I don’t know any Queensryche, but this is okay – reminds me of Faith No More in places. You take the good, you take the bad, and you’re left with a solid album; some great solos, taking us back to the Golden Age. I wonder what the album’s about? 6

Abyss: Not as good as before, mmmkay? Let’s just leave it at that. 4

Seker: Support our troops by shooting the members of Queensrÿche! Also, you can’t put an umlaut over a y! Also, just listen to “Operation: Mindcrime” again and pretend the ‘rÿche’s tour bus exploded on the “Empire” tour! Also, cocks! 2

Ajattara: Noitumaa

3.2/10

Lord K: Statik Majik, co-owner of GD, has raved about this band for like a thousand years. Or wait, maybe that was Catamenia? Either way, he’s more likely to get something out of this Finnish-sung, completely devoid of anything metal bullshit than I ever will be. Absolute horseshit and then some. I would like to take this CD, put it in a plastic bag and piss on it. Then send it to whatever label released it. Wow. I will never get the joke. 1

Kampfar: This very autumn I’m gonna eat copious amounts of mushrooms, Amanita muscaria and psilocybe fungus the bastards up for consumption, and I’ll probably wank a lot too. Other than that, well, I happen to completely agree with what Baalzamon666 wrote here: http://www.globaldomination.se/reviews/ajattara-noitumaa. 7

The Duff: I don’t know why the fuck I’m enjoying some of this; it’s dark as fuck, but can also come across as entirely retarded. I don’t mean in the politically correct manner, either. Admirable for trying something unusual, but I don’t much care for your ideologies and thoughts on black metal’s power as an artform and blablabla when it can sound all ridiculous as pig-shit in a blender; you need fucken distorted guitars, dammit – Ajattara is evidence of how terrible the music can be despite your heart and soul being entirely into raping nuns and running away from Harvey Keitel. Oh wait, those were Mexicans not Satanists. 4

Abyss: What the fuck is this shit? Has Ajattara listened too much to Ulver’s “Kveldsanger” and decided to do a Finnish version? Well, epic fail on them, and bleeding bored ears for me. 2

Seker: This is just about the silliest thing I’ve ever heard. If weirdos yelling in some moon language over acoustic clanking is your idea of fun, check out Finntroll’s “Visor Om Slutet” instead, because this is fucking terrible. Proof that unique!=good by any stretch of the imagination. 2

Believer: Gabriel

3.2/10

Lord K: I was a huge fan of these idiots (hey, they are christians) back in the day when I devoured anything thrash metal. Now I wonder what possibly could have happened to make them feel a need to come back with “Gabriel”? Blessed (haha) with a shit production and devilishly (hoho, I win) crappy songs, Believer should only believe in calling it quits permanently. Your fucken saviour is dead and so is your music. 3

Kampfar: It’s been 16 years since Believer last released a full-length and I happen to not have missed their thrash even the tiniest of bits. Sure, “Gabriel” is a galaxy or two away from being the worst shit I’ve ever heard, but, apart from a couple of nice details spread throughout, it makes this ensemble come across as outdated on par with their filthy belief’s. Metal Blade should stop spending time, money and effort on mediocrity such as this. Trust me, I know best. 5

The Duff: The killer opening thrash riff on this album really took me aback, as with a band name like Believer, I was expecting the suckage that was to follow (jokes). Gifted musicians, but music that has no value as metalcore/thrash with whiny vocals was losing its way five years ago assuming you ever liked bands like Trivium; the minimal synth is real unnecessary too. Not terrible, riffs range from average to good, but you know your time should be spent elsewhere. 4

Abyss: Melodic death metal + hardcore with HC vocals. Sound familiar? Yeah, I bet. Boooooring. 1

Seker: On the first song, Believer say that their eyes are sewn shut… I wish my ears were sewn shut after hearing this mess! It’s like Cynic, only gay (and that’s hard to pull off). 3